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Keeping it Together | WISDOM AND TIPS FOR MENTAL HEALTH AND WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT US | Tuesday, August 24 | | |
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| At the beginning of July, I thought my plans for the rest of the year were pretty set. |
| I thought vaccinations were going up, cases were going down and some sense of normalcy was returning. I was planning to travel for weddings, return to pre-pandemic activities like Broadway shows and ease my anxiety. I was also planning for a relatively easy time as I got ready for the birth of my first child, due in November (surprise! I'm pregnant). |
| Of course, the Delta variant and vaccine hesitancy have significantly altered my fall plans, like they have for so many of you. I'm also faced with the dread of uncertainty as I face the biggest change yet in my life: becoming a parent. |
| I wrote for another USA TODAY newsletter, This Is America, about my frustrations as a pregnant person waiting for vaccinated life to begin, and the anger and fear I feel at the current surge. In addition to emotional challenges, the pandemic presents a host of logistical hurdles. Will I be able to get support from friends and family? Should we even bother looking for daycare? |
| Data and circumstances change, public health advice has to adapt to an evolving virus and our lives are more in flux than we ever wanted them to be. When I feel myself being buried under the anxiety about the future, I try to take a step back and practice some coping tools to help. I'm prone to catastrophizing – envisioning a future where everything goes wrong. It can be helpful to draw my fears to their logical conclusions and realize I can handle them. So many parents gave birth and raised babies so far in the pandemic, and I know I can too. |
| So now I'm focusing on each day one at a time, checking items off the baby to do list and staying safe. It's all I've got, and for now it's enough |
Today's dating advice: Are you dating a narcissist? |
| Daters, beware: Those looking to restart their love lives after COVID-19 quarantine have more than just ghosting and awkward conversations about vaccination status to deal with. |
| They also need to look out for narcissists. |
| "Narcissistic people are very attractive when it comes to dating," says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist who is best known as "Doctor Ramani" online and is a leading expert in narcissism. "They're more charming. They're more charismatic. They tend to be more successful." |
| Despite these superficial qualities, Durvasula says relationships with narcissists are almost always rife with gaslighting, devaluation and other forms of abuse. There are tell-tale signs of narcissism, experts say, and daters can look out for certain traits to avoid getting into a relationship with a narcissist. |
| • | They want to open up too much too soon. Almost every narcissistic relationship begins with love bombing, which Durvasula describes as "too much too fast." Examples of love bombing include whisking someone off on a romantic weekend getaway for an early date, or showering someone with lavish, excessive gifts. "It feels almost like a fairy tale, but like an anxiety-inducing fairy tale," Durvasula says. | | • | They make your connection sound too good to be true. Pay attention to how your date speaks about you. "If they start talking about your relationship in these really grandiose, magical ways, like, 'I've never felt such an intense, magical connection with anyone ever' — when you start hearing that, you need to look for the exit," says Durvasula. Other red flag statements include, "I can't stop thinking about you," "How come we can't spend all of our time together?" and "I have just never met anybody like you." Also be wary of non-stop texting. | | • | They bad-mouth their exes. Take note if your date disparages past partners in a vindictive way. "The first thing you should be thinking is, 'How soon am I going to be in that gallery, that they're going to be sitting across from someone else speaking about me like that?' " Durvasula says. | |
| You can read more about red flags for narcissists here. Be safe when returning to the dating pool! |
 | | A first date turned into a bank robbery in Massachusetts when a man told a woman to drive the getaway car, prosecutors say. | | oatawa, Getty Images/iStockphoto | |
Today's reads |
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 | | Dorothy Oliver at her General Store in Panola, Ala., on Wednesday August 18, 2021. Oliver has persuaded and helped almost all of her community to get their COVID-19 vaccinations. | | Mickey Welsh / Advertiser | |
Today's pet |
| Meet Bootsy and Otto, two brothers who love a good cuddle. |
 | | Bootsy and Otto enjoy snoozing together, and I'm so happy for them. | | Courtesy Matt Hill | |
| "I'm 56 and I've never had a dog before," says Bootsy and Otto's owner Matt Hill. "Boy, do they change your life. Here are Bootsy and Otto, brother and sister. They fight with each other everyday. And, they're best friends." |
| The best sibling relationships are usually that way, aren't they? |
| And if you're in need of more puppy/kitty/pet goodness, you can scroll through 75 of our newsletter animals here. |
| That's all I've got for you this Tuesday. Stay safe, stay well. It will be back in your inboxes on Saturday morning. Until then, keep on sending pet photos, feedback and what you'd like to see from us to our email here. |
| All my very best, |
| Kelly Lawler |
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