United States of America eSeries: Hell Week 😈

Hell Week 😈

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Congress has a bunch of deadlines this week — what could possibly go wrong? Let's get into it.

by Allison Morrow

🔥 HELL WEEK

What DC looks and feels like right now. Probably.

"You want me to be honest? It's going to be a week from hell."

How's that for setting the tone? (Thank you for the honesty, Congresswoman Debbie Dingell, who provided CNN with that frank assessment over the weekend.)

It's a busy and, yes, pretty hellish week in Washington. Why? Oh just a bit of budget reconciliation, an infrastructure bill and a bunch of reckless debt ceiling brinkmanship. Plus the whole thing may shut down by EOD Thursday. (And by "the whole thing" I mean, like, the federal government.)

The debate this week will be predictably petty and partisan. And the real bummer is this isn't some ideological battle getting hashed out in a vacuum — virtually everyone's bank account is at stake. (Except for the uber-wealthy, who, let's be real, are going to be just fine either way.)

What's happening right now, writes CNN's Christine Romans, is nothing less than a once-in-a-generation realignment of kitchen table economics.

Here's the quick and dirty overview of key issues lawmakers will be weighing this week:

"Build Back Better"

President Biden's cradle-to-grave remake of the American economy is a a $3.5-trillion-over-10-years wishlist. It would expand investments for children, parents, working people and seniors. There's paid maternity and sick leave and investments in the fight against climate change, among other things.
Democrats hail it as the most meaningful expansion of the social safety net since LBJ's Great Society or FDR's New Deal. Republicans hate it for the same reason.
Republicans oppose the tax hikes on the mega-rich to pay for it. And Democrats are tripping over themselves to get the party in line.

The debt ceiling

As we've discussed here in appropriately apocalyptic terms here before, Republicans are so opposed to Democrats' social agenda, they're vowing not to vote to raise the debt ceiling. Which is a real "cutting off one's nose to spite one's face" position, but I digress.
It's an incredibly craven game of chicken that risks a financial and economic meltdown. The people who'll be hurt if the US defaults include veterans and enlisted troops, Social Security check recipients, parents who receive child tax credit payments, and many, many others.
The Treasury estimates it'll run out of funds sometime this month.

The infrastructure bill

Ah, the one thing we can all agree on: roads and bridges! It shouldn't be a hard sell, even with a trillion-dollar price tag. But never underestimate Congress' ability to fumble the ball at the one-yard line.

For more on all the issues on the table this week, read on. If you dare.

#️⃣ NUMBER OF THE DAY

$90

Feels like only yesterday we were screaming about the price of oil going negative. It was actually well over a year ago, and since then the rebound has taken even the biggest bulls on Wall Street by surprise. Goldman Sachs now expects Brent crude to hit $90 a barrel by the end of the year. Demand for oil worldwide is stronger than the bank expected, while supply is short. In other words, prices are going up.

📈 HAMSTER WHEEL OF FORTUNE

Note: This is not Mr. Goxx, it's just a very good hamster gif.

Somewhere in Germany, there's a hamster named Mr. Goxx who's beating investors at their own game.

From his home, the Goxx Box, the rodent is running an independent portfolio that trades a range of cryptocurrencies, including TRON, ethereum and bitcoin. And Goxx is doing better than both Warren Buffett and the S&P 500.

As of Saturday, Goxx's performance was up more than 16% since it began trading in June (The S&P 500 is up 5% over the same time period. Berkshire Hathaway B shares, meanwhile, have fallen by 2%.)

The Goxx Box includes an "intention wheel," which Goxx spins around to choose a crypto. Then, he scampers through a "buy" tunnel or a "sell" tunnel.

His human business partner livestreams it all online, naturally.

There's not really a punch line here — this is just a real story about the absurdity of stock or crypto picking. A financial adviser will tell you to build a diverse, broad portfolio focused on long-term steady growth — even well-regarded asset-picking portfolio managers will ultimately lose to a monkey making stock picks by throwing darts at a board. Or, a hamster in a maze.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Sometimes Musk can come across as a Bond villain or something; RJ does not give me those vibes.

Tesla may dominate the world of electric vehicles now, but Rivian is coming for its lunch. The brand is billing itself as a better fit for outdoorsy types, and its fans say they can identify more with Rivian's low-profile CEO, RJ Scaringe, than with Tesla's brash Elon Musk.

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

📱 TikTok says it now has more than 1 billion monthly active users, making it the rare social media platform not owned by Facebook or Google to claim an audience of that size.

👀 Instagram is putting the brakes on plans to make a photo-sharing app for kids under 13. Because, of course, it's terrible idea in the first place.

🏦 Two regional Federal Reserve chiefs they would step down after both faced criticism for personal investments that raised conflict-of-interest concerns.

🇨🇳 Huawei executive Meng Wanzhou, who spent nearly three years in house arrest in Canada, returned home to China this weekend, ending a prolonged extradition fight with the United States.

🏀 From CNN Business' Risk Takers series: Kim Ng broke baseball's glass ceiling. Now she has to fix one of the league's worst teams.

🔌 SHAMELESS PLUG

This Thursday, September 30, CNN Business presents "Foreseeable Future: Cryptomania."

My colleague Julia Chatterly will be sitting down with Mike Novogratz, the founder and CEO of Galaxy Digital, to discuss all things crypto. Also on deck: a panel discussion with Tavonia Evans (Guapcoin Founder), Hester Peirce (SEC Commissioner) and Sydney Schaub (Gemini Chief Legal Officer). RSVP here!